NARUTO Manga and Spoilers (by: Naruto Addict) is the only weblog given consent by Numinous to re-post all his writings and predictions.
Status: SPOOF PREDICTION
by: Numinous
Posted: 17 November 2009
The Strange Case of Kisame and Samaheda
Numinous Was Here
Numinous Was Here
Kisame: Wha...? How are you with Kirabi, Samehada?!
Samehada: Gigigigigigigigi! [As I said, Kisame, I love Kirabi! You don't mean anything to me anymore! I don't know why I could love anyone like you... I'm giving your chakra to him right here, so don't stop me."
Kisame: But why...? How come...? If you're joking, then this isn't funny at all... Samehada.... Just... What the hell happened to you ...?
Samehada: Gigigigigigigigi! [Nothing, really... I just opened my heart... I don't need to love someone who is a missing-nin and a criminal, do I? I'm not going to be your sword forever. I'm going to look reality in the eye.] Gigigi? [So, Kisame... I don't need you anymore. Won't you stop battling Kirabi...?]
Kirabi: Don't look at me!
Kisame: "What happened to you, Samehada? Why did you so suddenly change your opinion of me...
Samehada: Gigigigigigigigi! [I'm telling you, I don't need you anymore! I've fallen in love with Kirabi, with all my heart, that's why.]
Kirabi: Get me out of this scene, yo...
Samehada: Gigigigigigigigi! [I've just grown apart from octopus-flavored chakra... But you've always been at my side, Kisame, with your stinky fish chakra. You just used me on every fight not regarding my feelings... I've realized... how mean you really are. You're a criminal who defected from the village. Everyone in the villages hates you now.... I've just become one of them... You were that cool swordsman... but little by little you've grown bloodthirsty and fishy... You were close to me so I saw it. But Kirabi keeps singing Enka... It just heals my heart... He's just become someone close to me.]
Kisame: ...
Samehada: Gigigigigigigigi! [But Kisame... When I can touch Kirabi like this... I feel at peace... I'm telling you this from the bottom of my heart...]
Kisame: Cut the bullshit, Samehada... I told you I can't laugh at a joke like that.
Samehada: Gigigigigigigigi! [What're you angry for...? I've just gotten over you, that's all. A sword's heart is like the Autumn skies...]
Kisame: I... I thought we had something special!
Samehada: Gigigi? [You really think you were my first one, don't you?]
Kisame: I'm not?!
Samehada: Gigigi! [Of course not! I had so many masters before...]
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(Flashback Scene)
Eiko: Hey, are you a sword collector?
Tot: Well, no. I did make my living as a writer, so I don't k-
Eiko: Will you help me pick a sword for Zidane?
Tot: A sword? But I don't k-
Eiko: Okay, then. Follow me. (Eiko walks away.)
Tot: That girl has no manners... no manners at all... oh and a horn... I had completely forgotten about it until now... I'd never been as surprisedas I was that day. A ship drif-
Eiko: (Eiko comes back over) Hey, will you hurry up?
Tot: Oh, excuse me. (mumbling) Damn horned brat...
(Inside the armory)
Eiko:That's the one! Zidane will fall in love with me the instant he grabs this sword! MP drain and bleeding bonus it's a sure way for the win!
Thank you, mister!
Tot: Ha ha... It was my pleasure, my lady. (mumbling) Die in a fire, stupid brat...
Eiko: Oh, I forgot to tell you. My name is Eiko! I'm from Madain Sari! I hope to see you again! Buh-Bye! (Eiko runs out with her sword.)
Tot: From Madain Sari...? Madain Sari is the village of the summoners... But I thought it was only a legend. What could this mean...? Meh,
probably nothing...
(Eiko runs into the balcony screen.)
Eiko: Oh, I can't wait to hand this sword to Zidane! Where did he go, anyway? (Eiko starts running along a balcony side, but Baku inadvertently belly-bumps her off.) Aaaah! (She gets stuck on a jutting piece of architecture and dangles.) AHHH!!! HELP!!!
Baku: Hey, are you okay?
Eiko: C-C-Can't breathe...!!!
Baku: Sorry! I didn't see ya jump out. But yer too high up! I can't getcha down! Gwahahaha!
Eiko: Stop laughing, you Gluttony wannabe! Oh, shoot. My sword... (The sword she dropped is near Baku.) Hey, if you can't get me down... deliver that sword to Zidane! Alright!?
Baku: To Zidane? Yeah, no problem. Gwahahaha! (Baku walks off with the sword.)
Eiko: What am I supposed to do now!?
(Baku walks out to the castle gondola dock.)
Baku: Hey, the boat ain't here!
(Steiner and two Pluto Knights run by.)
Steiner: Castle patrol, completed! Huh? Why, if it isn't Baku, the leader of Tantalus!
Baku: Who just called my name? Oh, it's you.
Laudo, Pluto Knight IV: Should we capture him?
Steiner: No, he saved my life. You may go. I will handle this.
Laudo, Pluto Knight IV: Yes, sir!
Other Pluto Knight: Yes, sir!
(The knights run off.)
Baku: Bla bla bla?
Steiner: Bla! Bla bla bla! Bla bla bla.
Baku: Bla bla? Bla bla bla? Bla bla bla.
Steiner: Bla bla bla Zidane ? Bla bla bla ... but bla bla bla! Bla bla bla!
Baku: Bla bla? Bla bla bla. Bla bla bla Zidane?
Steiner: Bla bla bla. But bla bla bla!
Baku: Okay, bla! Bla bla bla! (Baku drops the sword in his momentary furor. The boat approaches.) Gwahahaha! Perfect timing! Take me
into town!
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(Steiner clenches his fists and runs off. Beatrix walks into the screen and down to where Baku and Steiner were shouting.)
Beatrix: Ah, so it was Steiner... I thought I heard him yelling. Sigh... Alexandria is at peace again... Yet my heart is fullof sorrow. Why...?
Hmm? Steiner must've dropped this. Let's see... (She reads the inscription on the handle, which says: The Spiked Destroyer of Mana
Beasts: 11 PM, gondola dock) Wh-What is this sword!? Did Steiner...gave me a good sword? Steiner...
(Later on, when night hits the castle, Eiko hangs around near the empty gondola dock.)
Eiko: "So, there's only room for Dagger in Zidane's heart... I wish I hadn't given that awesome sword. Zidane looked so sad... Isn't there
anything I can do for him? Aaahhhhhh! Zidane!!!I hate you!!! You insensitive fool!!! You don't even know how I feel.. I feel bad about ditching
him, but I really don't feel like seeing him tonight. I gotta hide before he shows up! Shoot! Someone's coming! Could it be Zidane!?
(Eiko finds a hiding place; Blank and Marcus sneak around.)
Marcus: There's no one here, Bro.
Blank: I guess I'm early...
Marcus: ...Maybe. I wonder who gave you that awesome sword?
Blank: Well... I'll just swing the blade. I bet it's good!
Marcus: Really? Are you sure you didn't buy it yourself? I mean, you caught the sword falling from the floor above you, right?"
Blank: I'm telling you, she was too shy to hand me the sword herself! And if you don't think I'm a ladies' man, you're wrong. Chicks are
intimidated by good-looking guys. That's why...
Marcus: You got a belt over your eyes, no pants, and pink lining on your gloves. Your shoes have some electric blue-thing going on. And I
think you might be a Frankenstein monster looking at the patches over your skin! If you're good-looking, then I don't want to know what is ugly...
Blank: Hey, man, why you're so mean?!
Marcus: Someone coming!
Blank: Marcus! Don't interrupt me while I'm talking!
Marcus: Let's hide, Bro!
Blank: Alright, alright...
(The two run to hide and Blank drops the sword in the hustle. Steiner appears and looks around.)
Steiner: "I must tighten up security around the castle from now on! Dusk to dawn, rain to shine, I must patrol the castle! Right, clear! Left,
clear! Huh? It's a metallic thing... This looks like a sword. Let's see..."The Spiked Destroyer of Mana Beasts. 11 PM, Gondola Dock) M-M-My
goodness! Th-This has MP drain! Who gave it to whom!? Hmm... No address or addressee... Did someone drop it here, knowing that I would
pass by? Who could it have been...?
(Beatrix walks by.)
Beatrix: Steiner...
Steiner: Beatrix... Was it you...?
(Eiko watches from her hiding place.)
Eiko: A-Are they in love?
(Blank and Marcus watch, too.)
Marcus: B-Bro...
Blank: Shh! Quiet!
Beatrix: Steiner...
Steiner: Beatrix...
Eiko: Ooo! What's gonna happen?
Marcus: I got a boner...
Blank: Then stick your thump up it! Wait, you're supposed to have a nosebleed since we were designed in Japan!
(The three hiding move to a better position to watch. Beatrix and Steiner move in for the kiss,but--)
Voice: Yey, a sword! (Kid Kisame and Kid Zabuza walk into view; Beatrix ducks out of sight.)
Eiko: Oh, you totally ruined the scene!
Kid Kisame: Look, a sword, and it has spikes! I'm gonna call it Samehada!
Kid Zabuza: Can I play with it?
Kid Kisame: No!
Kid Zabuza: You're mean! Just because of that I'll kill everybody in Academy just to show you I can play with it!
Kid Kisame: Fine, see if I care!
Kid Raiga: Can I be in this parody?!
Everyone: NO!!!
Kid Raiga: Awww....
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(Back to the Present)
Kisame: Hey, since when Alexandria is anywhere near Kirigakure?! But that's not the point, you're a slut as a sword!
Samehada: Gigigi! (At least I have better luck than the other swords...)
Excalibur: Well, I'm stuck in a rock and all these dumbasses still couldn't get me out... it just takes carving the stone around my blade and voilá, but noooo, they have to stupid to not think that... next thing you know, the guy who gets me out of here will be King of England! (Years later) Me and my big mouth...
Decapitating Knife: No, Suigetsu, leave me alone!!! I'm broken, just shatter me, pulverize me, do anything to end my suffering in the hands of a noob like you!!!
Brotherhood: Goddamn, Wakka, why did you gave me to Mister I'm-emo-because-my-father-was-a-drunkard-and-he-only-cared-about-himself-and-I'm-now-blond-for-no-good-reason-oh-and-my-voice-is-so-high-pitched-and-annoying-that-could-break-glasses... I can't wait to be ditched by him when he gets Caladbolg... what do you mean "He has to do win a Chocobo Race with a timing of 0.0.0"?! F*CK YOU, SIDEQUEST DEVELOPERS!!! DIE IN A F*CKING FIRE!!!
Frostmourne: How come that I'm frozen in an ice block miles away from my rightful owner?! Damn, all these years alone... wait, someone's coming! It's a dwarf and... holy cow on a big sandwich with cheese on top, it's Fabio Lanzoni! Oh wait, it's just Arthas... wait a minute, is this guy who supposedly I have to corrupt?! Jesus, I can't take this anymore, I have to use my last Death Strike... that will be retconned in World of Warcraft, but who cares?! Here it goes... for god's sake, why it had to hit the dwarf... someone kill Arthas and loot me before I go insane...
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